What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance. I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state. Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose. If you can't read this, you're illiterate. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. He who hesitates is boss. As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never