How to Play Poker Videos
Poker After Dark Knowledge Base
What poker chips (how many of each) are used in poker after dark? hey i was just wondering if anyone knew the amount of each chip used in poker after dark. what i do know: -20k total -10k in two separate 5k bundles - white chips are worth 500 -black/red chips are worth 100 -green are worth 25 does anybody know because i want to try out the format in some games
Do you like Poker After Dark, who is your favorite player and who did you wish the show added? Poker After Dark is one of the few poker programs I have watched on television since I do not have cable. I love playing in Vegas and I have seen a World Series live at Binions a few years ago. The best part about the show is they show every hand. I will list my favorite players and players I wish they would have included after people give their responses. I will vote the best answer to those who give the best reasons vs. matching my favorite players. Players on the show: (In order of appearance): G Hansen, P Hellmuth, S Sheikhan, A Duke, S Zolotow, H Seed, M Matusow, G Kaplan, D Grey, D Brunson, J Buss, D Negreanu, C Moneymaker, J Gold, J Chan, C Ferguson, C Mortenson, S Farha, Tony G, P Ivey, A Bloch, J Harman, P Laak, E Seidel, A Esfandiari, M Konik, P Gordon, H Lederer, C Brown, M Sexton, C Gowen, T Forrest, E Lindgren, J Tilly, P Antonius, A Cunningham, D Benyamine, B Greenstein, J Juanda (several appeared more than once). E Ng, D Luong, V Rousso & C Violette in 2 weeks.
Poker After Dark , How do you qualify for free? Get all the info on the new TV show Poker After Dark at http://www.recentpoker.com/poker-after-dark.html
what time does POKER AFTER DARK the directors cut come on? for some reason i cannot find this crap they say it comes on after snl but it never does ,,,does anyone know
What game are they playing on TV series Poker After Dark? I thought it was 7 card stud, but that game gets one card face up, two down on the first deal (blind?)
What Poker Chips are used in Poker After Dark? What brand is it and what are the specifications? THANKS!
What are those huge luxury watches I see the guys on Poker After Dark where? I saw Daniel Negreanu and Patrick Antonius whering these huge fancy shiny watches on TV... anyone know what kind they are? Thanks...
Did Matusow finally win Poker After Dark? Or was it another Mike blow up? I missed the last episode for last week.
Poker After Dark or The Jeffersons? I prefer to watch Jefferson re-runs but this person want to watch Poker After Dark help us decide?.........What is it about gambling away all that they lose,some more than money: What Thrill is in that? 2 questions please give 2 answers? Additionally I do play poker were trying to see who watches what Monday at 2 am the most votes wins the tv.........
Best poker moment on Poker after Dark or High Stakes? Im doing a short film for a class on local poker. i wanted to show a little bit of how poker is growing so im going to use one of the episodes of these shows. Anyone know of any great and exciting moments/hands on either Poker after Dark or Highstakes poker? include season/episode. or perhaps the best moments for a world tour. basically im getting the episodes from online (torrents) so thats what my selection covers. Thanks
On Poker after Dark when they play for $120,000 who puts up the players $20 grand,they act like they do ? If they put up 20 grand whats their show up fee cuz they all get paid to show their so called pretty faces.
who just won poker after dark? 4/26/08? who won this week on poker after dark? Chris Ferguson, Erik Seidel, Layne Flack, T.J. Cloutier, Doyle Brunson or Phil Hellmuth??
Why does Phil Hellmuth always cry and bi!#$ when he gets beat at poker??? Like last night on Poker After Dark? I think when i see him on the streets ima kick his A$$
Anyone out there watch "Poker After Dark? Who's your fav player? I love Gus Hansen because he knows how to mix up his game, & throw the other players for a "loop". I also like Phil Hellmuth, because SOOO full of himself, lol, & has every right to be, because his reads on other players are awesome. He makes me laugh. :D He's like the "Andy Kaufman" of poker. What happened to the old host Shana Hyatt? Is she ever coming back? I miss her..I like her bloopers at the end, lol. PeAcE
Favorite Poker After Dark Hostess? Shania Hiatt, Marianela Pereyra or Leeann Tweeden.
Two part question. Who won poker after dark last week? And I need some basic info on David Williams.? Just anything about him, a good chunk of info. Thanks in advance to all serious folks.
who won this weeks poker after dark? sorry missed it anyone know last time i checked phil ivey was up by a lot
who won this week on poker after dark?? the last i saw, on thursday, jennifer tilly was getting some great hands and was doing really well.. phil ivey, jennifer harmon, and patrick antonious were still in the game.. but i missed friday night, and the conclusion to the game.. what did i miss??
Poker After Dark commercial? There is an ad that plays on p.a.d. with Matusow and Cunningham - and it KILLS me, it's so funny. The last line is "only a donkey would make that call" Anyone know where I could find a clip of that ad? I'd really like to have it. Checked YouTube already.
Poker after Dark (vegas)? What hotel do, they play at? In particular, I am wondering about the view that they have with that huge window. Does anyone know what hotel gives that nice of a view of vegas? Thanks
In Poker After Dark? There is a blonde female player that does this weird thing with her nose. Has anyone seen her. She takes like big sniffs and wiggles her nose a lot. Who is she?
Poker after dark? Does anyone know about the theme music for the show? Specificaly is this music designed for the show? Is there some place online where I can hear it all without any talking or other sound effects?
Who do you predict will win this weeks Poker After Dark? from MULLETS 77
Anyone else hate the announcers on Poker after Dark? cant stand those boring terds.... they are worse than brian gumble on nbc football flex games.... god!!!!
Are there glasses that let you see out like normal, but are dark outside like sunglasses? ? I play poker in normal lighting or dark-ish rooms. Is there such a thing as sunglasses that let you see out of them like normal, but are still dark on the outside like regular sunglasses??
What do poker players think about when they are facing a big decison? Like on tv (wsop, hsp, poker after dark etc) poker players take a lot of time to think. What are they thinking about?
How do you curl poker straight thin hair? I have dark brown hair, shoulder length, and its REALLY thin and NEVER curls.. I want it to be nice and wavy for Christmas Eve tonight.. Curling irons and rolls don't really work.. what else can I do?
In poker what does slowroll mean??? I was watching poker after dark and Phil Hellmuth got mad and said that a another player slowrolled him.
What is that compartment on a poker table for that the dealer puts the cards into? On shows like Poker After Dark, the table has a compartment that looks like it can hold two decks of cards. What is that for or what does it do?
2 texas holdem questions in one question!!? Okay do u play all suited connectors or just 67s and higher with 4 people? And in poker after dark people play so much tighter than in high stakes poker?? Is it because poker after dark is a tourney? TL suited connectors go down in value with less people. AA goes up in value with less people. o yea forgot to add scenarios.. Its nl 2/4 cash game every1 has even stacks of 350.
What is The pay scale for the poker dealers on television? We enjoy watching High Stakes poke and poker after dark and we were wondering how much the dealers are paid?
A Poker Rules Question? I was watching Poker After Dark. There was a conflict at the table which was never answered- Texas Holdem- If a player throws his hand in the muck after the river card is turned, does the other person who is going to take down the pot have to show his hand at that point? Also-what does the term "cooler" mean in poker?
What is the lyrics to the theme on High Stakes Poker? And if you know Poker After Dark - Doyle Brunsons speech - would be cool if you could say :)
how can people just through bundles of cash away like they do in poker? i watched NBC's Poker after dark the other night, and watched a few of their players just through bundles of cash onto the table. how can someone just do that? do they have a tree that has money growing on it?
Poker question? Been watching "poker after dark" and still can't figure out whats going on. I know the game, the button, blinds (sort of) but I don't know checks and calls in relevance to the turn, river and what the heck is a gut shot? Any educational sites would be appreciated.
How can I get into Poker? I've watched a show called Poker After Dark a few times and the game looks very interesting. I've never played any card games and I would like to start. How can I learn the rules and start playing the game, maybe online simulator?
Dark poem ? Have you ever been in love? Has your love Ever fallen off the truck? Black hearts in effigy Poker face, Cat face, rat face These love songs dressed in rags & bones Looking for a home I’ve been driving thru a desert Looking for a life to call my own Have you ever wondered why? You can’t find love Someone took out the L from love Now it’s over baby dove Have you ever wondered why? Some girls go out With gorilla guys Dressed in drag Spider eyes Scarecrows looks Nose for hooks? Or is it that they drive Around in pink Cadillac’s Blowing kisses to the sky While you sit at home And wonder why? Little boy blue Mother shot through Cupid flew Tip toe through the tulips Tip toe back to school Birds of a feather All hopes & promises Head over heels Have journeyed far away Days are changing With the weather Sunshine blows Away like leather hope for love is shredded
Has anyone ever tried Tabasco sauce and beer together? I saw a guy on Poker After Dark drinking Corona and Tabasco sauce and thought it sounded interesting. Any ever try it and if so, how much Tabasco do you use per 12oz. beer? I ended up trying it last night with a Dos Equis Lager and put too much in. It wasn't bad though... you definitely have to be prepared. I will try again tonight with less to see if it is something i can handle regularly.
do they use automatic card shufflers on TV poker games ? such as "late night poker ", "poker after dark ", "high stakes poker " etc, or do they do all the shuffling manually ?
What type of watch does poker professional patrik antonius wear? I noticed on poker after the dark on nbc and aussie's millions tourny, he wears a sweet chronograph with a big face, or so it appears. What brand watch does he wear, is he promoting the design or being fashionably conscious?
Full tilt poker- Un Register Free Roll? Hey, I just won a free roll for poker after dark round two and I see its 100 full tilt points can I unregister this tournament and keep the 100 ftp that its worth? (im looking for an experienced player who has done this before)
What poker show is your favorite? There is lots of poker televised now. What is your favorite? WSOP, NBC poker after dark, High Stakes poker, World poker tour, MansionPoker.net, and many others... Personally, High stakes poker is my favorite
Best place to download poker videos? Does anybody know where I can download good poker videos from the internet? I already know pokertube, but downloading videos there is not really possible. Where else can I find good poker videos like High Stakes Poker, Poker after dark, etc...
In the dark? Why do poker players sometimes check/bet/raise in the dark? It's not just a show-off move is it? What's the strategic purpose?
What Time Is It? And What Are You Doing....Other Then Answering Questions.... Los Angeles...3:01 In The Morning....Watching "Poker After Dark" Ok Now Im Watching Jay Leno...Hes So Funny!
Poker & sunglasses? I was watching Poker After Dark and there was a guy on there wearing sunglasses which made me think ... isn't that very unfair to the other players? It bugs the HECK out of me! I would refuse to play with someone who was wearing sunglasses.
What kind of sunglasses does Phil Laak wear on TV? He has silver looking sunglasses that he wears on High Stakes Poker and Poker After Dark, with wire frames I believe. Anyone know the model? Thanks in advance....
Why are Poker players RUDE? Hey all i was just board and decided to watch a Sports show called Poker After Dark on channel 4 and all the Poker players do is stack their chips and when they want to give it to the dealer they throw the chips at the dealer, What is the point of stacking them for 10 Min and than throw it at a person whos just doing their job. This alone should make US gov rethink Pokers right as a sport. @ Penelope, Yeah but when they have placed the stack near the Dealer they can just leave it instead of tapping it so it spills. Its just plain rude for someone who is supposed to be a Pro.
My friend and I need your help with a Television show decision Can you help us? Please help us with this Project?We need as many answers as possiable we want to know your opinions on the shows selected? Which Shows would you prefer?The Jeffersons or Poker After Dark-----News all day or News At noon/ the last news for the day-----Talk shows or sit-coms---A cop drama or Cops/something 911----Comedy/weekly series or Reality shows-----A good movie or a Sports game----Game Shows or Judge Shows?-----Your answers are needed and will be very helpful in this project........Thanks.......Please answer all 7 questions?
When are you going to bed? poker after dark is on soon, then I'm goin to sleep! Night yall
Is there a joker-themed deck of cards, from dark knight? For christmas, that was what i wanted to get my sister but i've only seen the poker sets which are $80+ and i can't afford that. are there decks for only ten or so dollars?
Does anyone know what kind of sunglasses Phil "The Unabomber"Laak wears on TV? Does anyone know what kind of sunglasses he wears on High Stakes Poker and Poker After Dark on TV? They are this silver looking type, but I'm not sure what kind they are. Thanks!
Where is this quote from, and what do you think of it? "God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."
in the dark? Why do poker players sometimes check/bet/raise in the dark? It's not just a show-off move is it? What's the strategic purpose?
Scorpios: What is the natural color/texture of your hair? Are your eyes intense? Okay, these are some kind of goofy questions, but I read on several sites that Scorpios usually have dark/wavy/course hair. My hair is fine, blond, and poker straight. Also, they say our eyes are intense. This part is true for me, because my eyes are very dark brown, which really does not go with my nationalities. And I have actually been told this. What about the rest of you Scorpios?
Followin a tip-off a team of FBI agents burst into a house to arrest a suspected murderer...? All they know is that his name is Bud. They find 2 plumbers, a lorry driver and a bank manager playing poker in a dark and smoky room. They immediately arrest the bank manager. Why?
should i get a fringe? i have straight hair (not poker straight)--and really dark eyes.
Accurate Description of God? Recently, I read what I found to be a rather accurate description of the christian god. Do you agree? "He does not play dice with the universe; he plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared from the perspective of the other players (ie-everyone else) to being an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules and who smiles ALL THE TIME" Really that scared, It seems that you did not read the wording. It's alright. Most people don't
101 Chuck Norris Facts? Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn?t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesn?t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother?s womb. Chuck Norris can divide by zero Give a star if you like these facts. If you don't you will get a round house kick to the head by Chuck. dark knight: I know Chuck Norris can give 102 fact, but he round house kicked me so hard I forgot the last one.
The FACT about Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn?t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesn?t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother?s womb. Chuck Norris can divide by zero If you thing it's good give it a star. If you don't Chuck Norris will round house kick you till you think it's GREAT.
Chuck Norris Jokes!? 1.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 3.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 4.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. 5.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 6.Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. 7.If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. 8.Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 9.If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. 10.Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. 11.Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. 12.Chuck Norris does not go hunting. The word hunting implies a possible failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 13.Peyton Manning can throw a touch down pass 60 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Peyton Manning even farther.
What should I do.I saw my firend getting raped by two of my other friends.Supposed Swim and sleepover.Read.... I recently was invited to a swimming and slumber party.4 guys including me.All of which ive known since 5th grade(8th now)..but I was gonna be the last one cause the hosts parents were not gonna get there till it got dark(it was around 4)I called and said I was gonna be late,everyone was already there so they would start swimming without me.but then about 5 minutes after hanging up my mom had a change of heart she said I could go. now its a small community houses are close to each other.Theres never been any crimes of anykind.So all parents feel secure about kids. my mom dropped me off,i ran to back,and nowone was swimming.So maybe there inside getting changed.I went into living room and heard someone screaming bloody murder!!! I worked up corage and went to room.i ran in with a fireplace poker,and what I saw was not pretty.All three were on the bed naked.one was being mollested by the other two.... I ran like hell and went home.didint tell anyone.What should I do.im disturbed oh by the way,sounds stupid but can everyone answering this question answer one i have in polls and surveys.about Dakota Fanning.Thanks...
100 Facts (pt. 1)? There are more cars in Southern California than there are cows in India. The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows. The province of Alberta, Canada is completely free of rats. Illinois has the most personalized license plates of any state. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows). Fleas can jump 130 times higher than their own height. In human terms this is equal to a 6 foot person jumping 780 feet into the air. Snakes are true carnivores as they eat nothing but other animals. They do not eat any type of plant material. There are no poisonous snakes in Maine. The blue whale can produce sounds up to 188 decibels. This is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles. The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year. It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest. Erosion at the base of Niagara Falls (USA) undermines the shale cliffs and as a result, the falls have receded approximately 7 miles over the last 10,000 years. The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. North Dakota has never had an earthquake. Alexander Graham Bell (who invented the telephone) also set a world water-speed record of over seventy miles an hour at the age of 72. There is enough fuel in a full tank of a jumbo jet to drive an average car four times around the world. Hawaii is moving toward Japan 4 inches every year. Chimps are the only animals that can recognize themselves in a mirror. The leg bones of a bat are so thin that no bat can walk. There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth. Ants do not sleep. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. Almonds are members of the peach family. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. One person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Animal Kingdom". The dot that appears over the letter "i" is called a tittle. All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job (in case their pants split). The Spanish word esposa means "wife." The plural, esposas, means "wives," but also "handcuffs." If all Americans used one third less ice in their drinks the United States would become a net exporter instead of an importer of energy. If the Nile River were stretched across the United States, it would run nearly from New York to Los Angeles. San Francisco cable cars are the only National Monuments that move. The Hoover Dam was built to last 2,000 years. Its concrete will not be fully cured for another 500 years. Abraham Lincoln's dog, Fido, was assassinated too. All of David Letterman's suits are custom made - there are no creases in his suit trousers. Cranberry Jell-O is the only flavor that contains real fruit flavoring. Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. Richard Versalle, a tenor performing at New York's Metropolitan Opera House, suffered a heart attack and fell 10 feet from a ladder to the stage just after singing the line "You can only live so long." If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 51% would be female, 49% male; 50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people, one person would be nearly dead, one nearly born. In 1920, Babe Ruth out-homered every American League team. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores. Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals. The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy. The ant, when intoxicated, will always fall over to its right side. The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. People in China and Japan die disproportionately on the 4th of each month because the words death and four sound alike, and they are represented by the same symbol. Chicago is closer to Moscow than it is to Rio de Janeiro. Dogs have two sets of teeth, just like humans. They first have 30 "puppy" teeth, then 42 adult teeth. In 1950, President Harry Truman threw out the first ball twice at the opening day Washington DC baseball game; once right handed and once left handed. A Swiss ski resort announced it would combat global warming by wrapping its mountain glaciers in aluminum foil to keep them from melting. The chameleon has a tongue that is one and a half times the length of his body. Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed. There once was a town named "6" in West Virginia. Ten years ago, only 500 people in China could ski. This year, an estimated 5,000,000 Chinese will visit ski resorts. In 1920, Babe Ruth broke the single season home run record, with 29. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 30 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 40 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 50 home runs. A Nigerian woman was caught entering the UK with 104 kg of snails in her baggage. Profanity is typically cut from in-flight movies to make them suitable for general audiences. Fox Searchlight Pictures has substituted "Ashcroft" for "A**hole" in the movie Sideways when dubbed for Aerolineas Argentinas flights. Author Hunter S. Thompson, who committed suicide recently, wanted to be cremated and his ashes to be shot out of a cannon on his ranch. Sports Illustrated magazine allows subscribers to opt out of receiving the famous swimsuit issue each year. Fewer than 1% choose this option. There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one. The RIAA sued an 83 year old woman for downloading music illegally, even though a copy of her death certificate was sent to the RIAA a week before it filed the suit. Two 1903 paintings recently sold at auction for $590,000 - the paintings were in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" series. Russian scientists have developed a new drug that prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication. Romanian firefighters could not get their trucks close enough to a burning building, so they put out the fire by throwing snowballs at it. A perfect SAT score is 1600 combined. Bill Gates scored 1590 on his SAT. Paul Allen, Bill's partner in Microsoft, scored a perfect 1600. Bill Cosby scored less than 500 combined. Motorists traveling outside Salem, Oregon saw one of the "litter cleanup" signs crediting the American Nazi party. Marion County officials had no choice but to let that group into the adopt-a-road program. The $500 per sign was picked up by Oregon taxpayers. The Ku Klux Klan is also involved in the adopt-a-road program in the state of Arkansas. Spam filters that catch the word "cialis" will not allow many work-related e-mails through because that word is embedded inside the word "specialist". McDonald's restaurants will buy 54,000,000 pounds of fresh apples this year. Two years ago, McDonald's purchased 0 pounds of apples. This is attributed to the shift to more healthy menu options (the Apple Pie, which has been at McDonald's for years uses processed Apple Pie Filling). The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail. Mailmen in Russia now carry revolvers after a recent decision by the government. All of Queen Anne's 17 children died before she did. There are over 87,000 Americans on waiting lists for organ transplants. American made parts account for only 1% of the Chrysler Crossfire. 96% of the Ford F-150 Heritage Truck is American. A Dutch court ruled that a bank robber could deduct the 2,000 Euros he paid for his pistol from the 6,600 Euros he has to return to the bank he robbed. Only 6% of the autographs in circulation from members of the Beatles are estimated to be real. The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion annually. 60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election, the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote. This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31% of all eligible voters in the United States. John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in the Potomac River. La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley, Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile. 41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of Americans do. A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light. G-rated family films earn more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of Hollywood's output is G-rated. Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize. The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed road conditions. More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (300 million). Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat. Sorry it's so long lol. Something to do right? And yes....PART ONE!!!! More will come....eventually...
Restraining Order against Mininni Y? MININNI enjoys breaking the law by stealing cable TV or figuring out how to reprogram cable satellite boxes. MININNI spends hours of his time trying to figure out a way to break the law rather then obtaining work. MININNI spends hours and days online gambling and goes to the casino poker room. MININNI goes on gambling binges and has been known to lose $800 in one night. MININNI spends days being up all night at the casino or online gambling binges and then shows up at my front door asking for forgiveness, at this point MININNI has lost about 20lbs is unshaven, with dark circles under his eyes and begs he cannot live without me. MININNI blames me for his gambling binge as I have started an argument and convinces me I must take him back since he is broke and can’t live without me. When MININI is broke and has exhausted all of his resources he comes to me for help. Over and over again he convinces me I need to help him and he needs me or he cannot go on. Each time we get back together MININNI steals from me, makes threats to intimidate me, and kills my self-esteem by saying “you are stupid, you don’t know anything you need to go back to school, you will never have a stable relationship if you don’t learn with me.” MININNI uses my co-dependence for his good fortune by using my fear of being alone, he often states “if you don’t let me play poker or go fishing I will leave you again, or you will be alone forever if you don’t fix yourself with me.” MININNI often says I am unstable, eccentric, bipolar, and borderline; he uses this to make me think I am crazy and can only get better if I am with him.
a few oneliners question is funny or not? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance. I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state. Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose. If you can't read this, you're illiterate. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. He who hesitates is boss. As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never
One Liners?!?!?!?!?!? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance. I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state. Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose. If you can't read this, you're illiterate. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. He who hesitates is boss. As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never
Christmas party tonight..any hair suggestions? I've straight dark brown hair..a little above chest level and loads of layers in it..I wear it down pretty much every day in work..so want something a little different..cant be too challenging!..Should I just have it poker straight and shiny or curly (because I have loads of layers different leights Im afraid I'll look like Sherley Temple!) or should I go for a wavey look?..Any tips girlys?..or boys?
Comical Paranoia? The Crack In The Door That crack in the door I’ve seen it before In fact Its there everyday So dark and deep I should know it completely I just want it to go away I sleep now at night With one eye open Pondering what’s beyond in the door I hear all the thumping The grumbling The bumping The whispers The tapping The constant rap rapping I just wonder who Who is behind this What do they see When they’re looking at me? I wake in the morning No shower for days Not even a shave I can do I sit in my chair Always aware that the crack in the door Is still there I lost my job My wife has left It has something to do With the crack I bet I need the courage The courage to merge Up next to the crack in the door I slowly start walking The voices are mocking “You’ll never know what we’re here for!” I pick up the poker And get even closer To the door with a G*d awful crack I raise up the tool To plunge it straight through With one horrendous whack Though something to ponder As I step back and wonder Why it seems so familiar to me Removing the poker While feeling “The Joker” Were now two cracks to be seen?
Harry Potter Fans!!! How to annoy Voldemort? Harry Potter Fans!!! How to annoy Voldemort? 1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?' 2. Laugh at him. 3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...' 4. Knit him things. Really hideous things. 5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month. 6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. 7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess. 8. Dance the Funky Chicken. 9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath. 10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again. 11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him. 12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night. 13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.' 14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?' 15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his. 16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals. 17. Be cheerful. 18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!' 19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ. 20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.' 21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.' 22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?' 23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars. 24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps. 25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there... 26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one? 27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you. 28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?' 29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices. 30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
Hair question(s)? Ok here's the deal. I have really long hair (approximately 30 inches) and I want to do something with it. I have considered a perm and maybe some frosting or highlighting. Its very dark brown with red undertones. First of all I want to know which is better, frosting or highlighting, and whats the difference between the two? Secondly, which should I do first, the perm or the coloring? Also, I want long springy curls, and not a poodle type curl. What kind of perm style/rods should I ask for? And lastly, my hair is poker straight, very thick, and over the years has not taken perms well. Sometimes they only last a few weeks at best. I was told to use an exothermic perm. What is it and will it really take in my hair? Any ideas or suggestions will be greatly apreciated.
Iranian inventions! Did you know this? Now you know? http://www.pitt.edu/AFShome/s/o/sorc/public/html/iranian/BeingIranian.htm
Read this paragraph to answer questions? He said it was because a private detective sees the dark side of human nature. But whatever the reason, Gill Landers had an innate suspicion of politicians. When Senator Randy Brill walked into his office on that summer day in August, mopping his flushed features with a monogrammed handkerchief, Gill could think of no good reason to change his attitude. He'd only met Brill once. That had been two years ago at a country club reception for state political notables. Since then, he'd learned all he wanted to know about the senator's sinister reputation. Gill sat back in his chair, put his feet on his desk, and fought to keep a poker face. But there was no way he could stop the chill that coursed along his spine like a rush of ice water. 1. In this paragraph, the word notables probably signifies that the persons so described A. are contributors to charity. B. are wealthy people. C. would like to be politicians. D. have political influence.
Harry Potter Fans!!! How to annoy Voldemort? 1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?' 2. Laugh at him. 3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...' 4. Knit him things. Really hideous things. 5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month. 6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. 7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess. 8. Dance the Funky Chicken. 9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath. 10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again. 11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him. 12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night. 13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.' 14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?' 15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his. 16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals. 17. Be cheerful. 18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!' 19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ. 20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.' 21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.' 22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?' 23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars. 24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps. 25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there... 26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one? 27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you. 28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?' 29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices. 30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
Read this paragraph to answer question? He said it was because a private detective sees the dark side of human nature. But whatever the reason, Gill Landers had an innate suspicion of politicians. When Senator Randy Brill walked into his office on that summer day in August, mopping his flushed features with a monogrammed handkerchief, Gill could think of no good reason to change his attitude. He'd only met Brill once. That had been two years ago at a country club reception for state political notables. Since then, he'd learned all he wanted to know about the senator's sinister reputation. Gill sat back in his chair, put his feet on his desk, and fought to keep a poker face. But there was no way he could stop the chill that coursed along his spine like a rush of ice water. 1. Which of the following sentences most clearly represents the main idea in the paragraph? A. Gill had a deep-seated dislike of state senators. B. The day was too hot for dealing with politicians. C. Like all private detectives, Gill was suspicious of politicians. D. Gill felt justified in his suspicion of Randy Brill.
Is this any good? The Samurai “I'm silent in the dark" the Samurai had me warned. "I'll sneak up behind you, soon you will be mourned. I understand your movements and hear what you say. If think you can see me, then you are to be my next prey." I would not travel lone at night, only with a friend. I am coming to take you down, leaving ripples on your skin. I can sneak my way from up your chest, and hit you with my knife. I am the one who chooses, if you keep your life. When I come to take you, you will not be asleep. All it will take, is one last quick release Bitter cold of night, I can feel your breath. A shiver and your ready, battle with my death. I will fight you any place, your sorrows are to drown. Anywhere that I chose, I will cut you down. The Samurai was standing-from across the street. He was as quite as a mouse, at looking back up at me. He edged closer, cold steel in his hand. I flew through the distance, thinking of the pain. The Samurai starts to chase, he bellows out at me. "Stop your running yellow man, I'll do it quick and clean." For if you saved your soul for Gabriel, you are soon to meet the king Bitter cold of night, I can feel your breath. A shiver and your ready, battle with my death. I will fight you any place, your sorrows are to drown. Anywhere that I chose, I will cut you down. I now my breath is running low, I no more time to stall. So, I net the fire poker laying on the wall. My eyes light up so bright, to the vibrant glow. And I prepared for his jaw, a highly branding blow. I shove the fire to his mouth, I am sure it had to hurt. Hit the Samurai in the face, I sent him to the dirt My expressions turned to white, I now can feel my soul Last thing that I remembered, is his steel was mighty cold Why no critique sam? indeed sam it flows better as now Additionally, I added IS THAT to the final line Finally change knife to scythe Hmm you mean stanza one? I kinda didn't want him saying that part, it's coming from an external narator for if you saved your sould to Gabriel, you're too soon to meet the king" Line edit
What would be your dream hair? If you could have ANY hair colour, texture, length, thickness etc. what would it be? Personally mine would be: Very long hair to my elbow. Very dark brown, almost black, Very thick, but not frizzy or afro-like, Very soft and silky (A lot of 'verys'!) Either curls like these: http://www.samysalon.com/images/long_full_pic.jpg or poker straight! I want that hair SOOOOOOO badly! How about ye??
Read this paragraph to answer question? He said it was because a private detective sees the dark side of human nature. But whatever the reason, Gill Landers had an innate suspicion of politicians. When Senator Randy Brill walked into his office on that summer day in August, mopping his flushed features with a monogrammed handkerchief, Gill could think of no good reason to change his attitude. He'd only met Brill once. That had been two years ago at a country club reception for state political notables. Since then, he'd learned all he wanted to know about the senator's sinister reputation. Gill sat back in his chair, put his feet on his desk, and fought to keep a poker face. But there was no way he could stop the chill that coursed along his spine like a rush of ice water. 1. In the context of this paragraph, the word innate means A. reasonable and understandable. B. unreasonable. C. native or inborn. D. annoying or irritating.
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